Holiday Malaise? Hmmm.

Indulge me for a moment, if you will. I would like for my few readers to participate in these questions, maybe posting your thoughts when done.  Here we go:

What would be the first holiday that you have memories of as a child? Christmas? Thanksgiving? or maybe a birthday?

Who did you share it with? What detail(s) stands out the most in that first memory? Person, place, or thing?

What was the emotion and how did you feel?

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If you participated, you should have recalled something that could be very important to you! Even if it was a negative experience, you remember it vividly for a reason. It had some impact on your life, whether minute or otherwise, that your brain decided it was worth keeping. That's what memories are for. To remind, to warn, to re-live, to educate, to scare, to warm the heart. It sounds sensational and, to some, it certainly is just that.

My first holiday memory is Thanksgiving 1973. I had just turned four years old and have some pretty vivid memories of our house during the season. The dark wood paneling indicative of a 1960's humble home. The sheets of asphalt flooring that was considered "chic" a couple of decades earlier. The thick metal blinds adorning every window in the house, the ones that would cut you if you weren't careful. The Ziegler Oil Heater in the dining room that would heat the entire house AND make a great place to heat up a kettle of water for tea or coffee. Extra chairs placed in the living room and dining room for all of the extra guests that would be dining with us and all of the good doilies and knickknacks placed out for our "company." Oh, and the "good" china, including all of the "good" silverware and stemware, had to be used.

It was the first time that I remember how large my family was. There were kids, some close to my age, even. Four grandparents, six aunts/uncles, a bevy of cousins, and even a neighbor that had nowhere to go to eat. Any of you that know the size of my house will realize what a feat this actually was! But we did it and it was spectacular.

Fast forward forty years.

This year, there are no grandparents. They passed away in 1985, 1992, 1994, and 2001. Out of six aunts/uncles, I have one left and she is fairly eccentric and anti-social (but still lovable). The cousins have either passed away or have very little contact with me. Even that neighbor has passed. With my mother and father now gone, my Thanksgiving is a stark contrast to that of my childhood. My home will be fairly empty this holiday. Just my dog and I, although she is pretty venerable (blind and deaf and almost seventeen years old.)

Should I be depressed or forlorn? Possibly, but that's not "how I roll".

And, does that mean I have nothing to be thankful for? 

Nay.

I have forty years of memories. A priceless commodity that I would not trade for anything. My memories and experiences have made me who I am and probably what I will continue to grow into. And I have learned so much, and I am thankful for life's lessons...

I am thankful for the love my parents had for me and for instilling strong familial bonds; not just with them, but family in general. 

I am thankful for the relatives that are still alive, even though I don't hear from them very often. We had great times when we were younger. (Memories, again.)

I am thankful for unseen blessings. You know, the things that God does behind the scenes and you don't realize it until much later in life. (Read: Unanswered Prayers).

And especially during this season, I am thankful for friendship and loved ones. Extended family, I call them. Welcomed me into their family, loved me, and treat me as family. There were hard times and drama, but don't you have that with family anyway? I treasure the memories that I have with them and the ones to come. They even made me the godfather of all of their children, four so far and one in the oven. (Keep them coming!)

So, I won't be here in Shawboro on Thanksgiving Day; the house will be empty. Guess where I will be? As always, I will be with family and loved ones. Isn't that what it's all about? Fellowship and giving thanks for all your blessings? Spending time with those that you care about and that return the sentiment?

I can tell you without any reservation, that I am blessed and thankful for my family. The one that I grew up with and the one that assimilated me into their ranks.

As I have said before, it may seem that I am alone in this world; but I most certainly am not.

<3

A. A.

Humble Beginning?

October 1968, or was it?

Cutie

On my ABC (Amended Birth Certificate) it states that I was born in a local hospital in October 1968. And that is about all it says that is correct, technically anyway. I was adopted several months after this, possibly in a foster home in between. Supposedly, North Carolina has not changed birth date data on ABCs since 1945. Time will tell.

I have always known that I was adopted. I mean as far back as I can remember, my parents told me that, "they couldn't have kids, but I needed a mommy and daddy; and they needed a child to love. They always told me that they were blessed because they 'picked' me to love." I believe that this was a very healthy approach to a possibly difficult subject. I am very thankful for this candid approach and believe that it created positive views towards my biological parents.

I certainly could not say that I have never wondered about my birth parents. I can say that I have never cared to find them while my adopted parents were alive. I don't know how they would react to finding my birth parent(s). I think I can safely say that it was "in the back of my mind."

Well, circumstances changed in August of this year (2013). My mother passed away at 81 years old. My mother was 36 years old when they adopted me, my father was 40. I couldn't have asked for a better home life or better parents. But, now that both parents had passed away; would I search for my birth parents/family?

My birthday this year prompted quite a resurgence of the quandary concerning my biological family. I started the research. North Carolina passed a law in 2008 concerning adoptees and that will make my task somewhat easier. However, there are still countless hours ahead of me. I have found a few contradictory facts in my search:

For example, I have always been told that I was a large baby that caused problems for my birth mother. I don't think that is true. Supplementary information that was included with my adoption papers show that I was 7lbs 4oz at birth. Hardly "large". Wonder what other information is not exactly reliable?

As the search has continued, I have contacted the North Carolina Department of Social Services in Raleigh to obtain the agency that approved by adoption. I was pleasantly surprised that it was Dare County. That's right, the OBX, the "beach". Does that mean a birth parent lived there? Not necessarily, but it means that something is there waiting for me to find out.

An official request for "non-identifying" information concerning my birth family has been sent to an official at DSS in Dare County. Which could take awhile...

So, how do I feel about all of this?

What if I have siblings? I grew up an only child, I wouldn't even know how to act.

What if there are heriditary medical issues that I don't know about?

What if I wait too long to search? I could miss out on an opportunity or a blessing...

What if it was a private adoption and my adopted parents knew my birth parent(s)? Intriguing.

What if I am actually an alien?? Not likely, but one could hope.

I realize that this may not be interesting to some of you, and that is understandable. But those of you that can read this, will know that this is a fun and fantastic journey for me. 

I will try and keep my search updated as much as possible.

A. A.